4 years 3 months..... That is how long I have been in service and every year since 2006, at around this period, I will be dealt with this fatal blow that will always weaken my immune system, making it difficult to carry on.... Yes, I failed to get my promotion again... All because of the grade I was given 2 years ago.. Acoording to rules and regulations, I need to wait for another one more year.... So much about rules and regulations!!!! Haven't I done enough? Haven't I slog my guts out? Haven't I persisted on against all odds? Haven't I tried my best? I see my counterparts getting promoted, I see my juniors getting promoted but me.. I am still here at hantak kaki position.... I am not moving up, I am not going anywhere... Imagine yourself being a rock lying in the middle of a stream and everyone is just stepping on you to get ahead and across... The pain and disappointment is killing me silently. This is a taboo subject that I avoid mentioning, and I avoid blogging but I can't stand it no more.. I need to write it all out.. I feel that I am the lousiest at what I do.. I feel that nothing I do has made a difference in the life of anyone....
As Shakespear wrote, "All the world is a stage and all men are merely players.." It's hard to pretend that everything is right and be the insane Ms Leow in class... Sometimes the Ms Leow is really crying silently inside, asking herself if what she has done is right.. You know as the cloze passage wrote.. Her shoulders shook as she was sobbing uncontrollably.. That was exactly how I felt in class today. Yet I could not show my true emotions.... I had to wear my million watt smile and continue my role for the show must go on. I made a mental note to try not to get agitated and irritated, if not my avalanche of emotions would come spilling down, drowning and shocking everyone......... I really have to thank all my guardian angels especially one in particular for giving me the energy to go on........
"Thanks for your listening ear last night. Believe it or not, I told you so much, so much more than I had ever told anyone. You are absolutely right... I am indeed afraid of the disappointment... The fear that everyone can't do well despite my efforts, the fear that everyone can't make it for their O levels because I suck big time as a teacher. However, the difference lies in the fact that I am not afraid to try.. I know I might be disappointed but who cares.. At least I have tried!!! Know what I mean? "
The question remains to stay or to leave.. I love all of you but I HATE............. my voice is muted and I can only suffer in silence....
GLAMOUR SHOP
Quotes For Thoughts
#1 Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.
#2 To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give, that takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
#3 Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.
#4 Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
#5 Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory!
THE GLAMOUR GIRL
Yanting
15th Jan
age is a secret; for me to know, for you to find out
Institutions that contributed to the present me:
#1 Tung Ling Kindergarten
#2 Haig Girls Pri
#3 Tanjong Katong Girls School
#4 NUS
#5 NTU
HER LIKES
- SHOPPING
- Enjoys being with her friends who brighten up her life and heartens her soul
- Loves food but picky about what she eats and who she eats with
- Reading is a definite mus
- Music ranging from Chinese Pop to Classical (PS/ simply adores Jay Chou
-Plays, movies and basically anything artsy intrigues her
- Karaoke!
- The sun, sand & sea
WISHES
- All my lovable darlings to pass their exams with flying colours and may they realise all their dreams and wishes
-For all around me to be happy and live life to the fullest!!! :)
-The reunification of the puffs real soon... miss the times we spend together and the tons of silly things we do... :(