Think I have disappeared long enough.... i guess lots and loads have happened.. You might ask, if so much has happened than the more reason there is for me to blog. I do agree with that but I just can't. For one simple reason, I do not know where to begin and there are several cumulative issues that I can't resolve and decide on what to touch on.
Am now making a mental note that I should perhaps start writing in short paragraphs. In this mannar, I can perhaps seive out the essence and the cru 2007 is brushing pass in a breeze and I can't seem to be able to grasp it. Time does not seem to be on anybody's side and I just get so worried that I would not be able to have the time to treasure the remaining 6 months I have with my form class that I so love. Not enought time to help them for their O levels, insufficient time to interact with them and build the memories... Just like my parents, I am really quite inapt at showing love . A friend once told me that they are different languages of love namely; words, gifts and touch. Years have passed since she last shared this with me and I still have not found mine... I believe I am all three combined into and not one single method appeals to me.
3 years and 10 months in this heart-wrenching and ironically heart-lifting profession have certainly not equipped me with soft skills. Being a crowd pleaser has never been my forte and what I am more worried of is hurting my darlings. I have no qualms about being blatantly honest to the point of being point blank at adults and at times my family and friends. However, I just can't bring myself to do it to my students. I recall days when I become so mean and lash at certain irritants of my life but I do regret my actions after that. Why is it that I can't be more patient and more tolerant of certain behaviours. Can I be stricter with them when it comes to their work? Am I being too hard on them? There are certain points where I live in fear of myself. Afraid that I would hurt any of them by mistake be it with my words or actions. Worried that I would provide them with the wrong advice; I just wish and pray and hope that everything would turn out well against all odds.
I have never been an extremely lucky person. Of course, I DO count my blessings.. However, I am always the target board for most things horrid. The plain Jane whom men just happen to pass by without laying their eyes on. The one who is by-passed for lots of opportunities at work,etc, etc Anyway, you get the idea... Someone whom I respect and love so dearly had taught me the finest lesson in life. Thank you very much and if you are reading on, you will know who you are. How many of us had parents who told us when we were young, "You reap what you sow." After witnessing a spate of events, I have decided to change that motto of mine; You reap what you sow but only with a stroke of luck." Sounds like that coming from the mouth of a dejected loser. However, on the flip sound of a coin, if we do not try, we will never know what is the outcome
People around me are telling me that I have really high expectations of my class. I hate to but have to admit that there are some whom I have higher expectations of and there is always this voice at the back of mind telling me... Stop giving so much; The more you give, the more you expect and of course the greater your disappointment.
A letter to my class...... An unexpected letter from me to you which I have contemplated and attempted to begin the writing of this letter for several weeks but believe it or not I was and still am suffering from the most common ailment like most of you do; writer’s block. But well, I guess I just have to begin if not I haven’t the slightest idea when I would ever get started on it.
It was during one of my sitting-in sessions at your Super Teens workshop that prompted the beginning. When Dr Ernest Wong mentioned the song, “If we hold on together”, it really brought back fond memories and tears were forming at the corner of my eyes. That was the theme song from the cartoon,” The Land Before Time” and that was also the theme song of my class
I was from the class of Sec 3/7(94)/4/7(95) (Yes, just like most of you) Tanjong Katong Girls School in 1995. When I joined TKGS in 1992, I really hated my classmates and spent 2 years being miserable until I met all my friends in 3/7. . Must have told you before that I came from the second last class in this “top ten school” in its hey days and each and every single teacher never derived satisfaction in teaching us as we were not the crème de la crème. They believed that we would never go far in our lives. However instead of harping on it, we devoted our time to building friendships despite our differences in every single imaginable aspect. We spend lots of times motivating one another, studying together, putting up assembly programs and Teachers’ Day concert and National Day concert items. Everyone has their preferences, likes and dislikes and of course there were cliques as a result and I do not deny that. However, when the need arose, we were always united no matter what happened. We always believed in the theme song of the class; “If we hold on together, we know our dreams will never die.” At the end, all of us got what we desired. All of us passed our O levels and went on to further our education. Anyway, we had all our teachers eating their words. J
If we had not stayed closely knitted and believed that we were in it together, we would have lost faith and hope; thereby creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. In retrospect, I am glad that I did not opt for the best class but rather the latter. If I had chosen the former, I would not have had such a wonderful closure to the chapter of my secondary school life.
Time really flies and I have been your form teacher for the past 15 months and 12 days. To say that all these while has been nothing but a breeze would be a big lie; there were several ups and downs and there were days when I really, really felt like throwing in the towel and calling it quits. Torrents of feelings and emotions seem to sweep me of my feet, putting me in a state of disequilibrium practically 50% of the time. I do believe that I have this Love-Hate relationship with your class. But all this is irrelevant, no matter what happens and what some of you do, I will always get over it and continue teaching and loving your class as it is.
Believe it or not, I am an English teacher who is supposed to be equipped with the skills to express myself in the clearest possible manner but alas I am not. So do forgive me if it sounds a little clumsy here. In recent months, things have changed and I do sense a state of discontentment in some of you and that really bothers me. I know that I have not met up to some of your expectations and I am really far from being the ideal form teacher and I will try to right the wrongs! I am really sorry if I have hurt any of you unintentionally especially with my words and actions. Can we start on a fresh clean slate? It will not be easy but can we at least try?
2007 is your final year in Bedok View and it might really be mine as well. My greatest wish is for all of us to enjoy ourselves and construct happy and beautiful memories of cheer, laughter and joy; not those sour and bitter memories of hatred, anger and tears. I have always believed in the rainbow that will always appear at the end of the storm and the pot of gold that can be found at the end of the rainbow. If things are at their worst, they can only get better. Seconds and minutes are ticking away and if we do not start doing something about it now, our 2 years together would be void; null. The times that we are all going through now is just like the sweets that I have given you. They are initially sour and you so feel like spitting it out when you place it on your tongue. However, if you chew long enough, you will realise that it is actually sweet and delicious.
There are some of you reading on who might think that you are insignificant and even if you were to disappear, nobody would notice and who would care but I mean what I say and this is the moment of truth “5N2 would NEVER be 5N2 without each and ever single one of you.”
I would not give up on anyone and promise me no matter what happens, please do not give up on yourself. It’s not for me, it’s not for your parents, it’s for yourself! All of you are unique in your own ways so please do not look down on yourself. Be thankful for the grass is always greener on the other side.
Love all of you no matter how much you have succeeded in pissing me off. Love all of you despite all the differences that we might have! We will make it at to O levels together right!!!!
Never let the competition define you. Instead, you have to define yourself based on a point of view you care deeply about
GLAMOUR SHOP
Quotes For Thoughts
#1 Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.
#2 To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give, that takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
#3 Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.
#4 Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
#5 Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory!
THE GLAMOUR GIRL
Yanting
15th Jan
age is a secret; for me to know, for you to find out
Institutions that contributed to the present me:
#1 Tung Ling Kindergarten
#2 Haig Girls Pri
#3 Tanjong Katong Girls School
#4 NUS
#5 NTU
HER LIKES
- SHOPPING
- Enjoys being with her friends who brighten up her life and heartens her soul
- Loves food but picky about what she eats and who she eats with
- Reading is a definite mus
- Music ranging from Chinese Pop to Classical (PS/ simply adores Jay Chou
-Plays, movies and basically anything artsy intrigues her
- Karaoke!
- The sun, sand & sea
WISHES
- All my lovable darlings to pass their exams with flying colours and may they realise all their dreams and wishes
-For all around me to be happy and live life to the fullest!!! :)
-The reunification of the puffs real soon... miss the times we spend together and the tons of silly things we do... :(