Pride “It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.”
Do we sometimes find it difficult to admit to our misgivings or is it just pride that prevents us from doing so? Everytime when I pose a question of this nature, I often see myself as Carrie Bradshaw sitting in front of her Apple and writing her long series of questions.. the difference lies in the content of her question and of course she is a columnist while I am not!
We often complain that our students that we come into contact with often have this problem of admiting to their mistakes. If a value can be placed to the words "I'm sorry.", there would certainly be a hefty price tag attached to it. The very minute these very words are said, the person in question would feel that all is lost and why can't the earth just open up and swallow me in? At least, that is how I feel when I need to apologise...
Brings me back to a conversation I had with a dear friend last Friday. Long long story and I do not have the wish to pour all my troubled waters into this public pail(who knows who will be reading my blog?!?!?!) Due to my pride and of course the belief that "the more you talk, the worse the situation will be", I have no wish to clear any misunderstandings and of course I am rather sick of being the one who has to bare my heart and soul and be honest about each and every single happening.... Nothing will change; Just take it that I am always the one who is NOT understanding. I am the goondu who is childish and I am so self indulged that I am blinded and i can't see things through the eyes of others. In short, IT'S MY FAULT! Maybe that will be better..
My buddy commented that PRIDE is preventing me from doing what's right... I really wish this good friend of mine is reading on in order to find out what I truly and really feel... However, I doubt this will come true.. He is so caught up in his work that I would be thankful that he has time just to listen to me...But i guess, there are things that I really want to say and these are things that I would never say straight into his face...
"Hey buddy, thanks for always being there for me. I really hate to see you as the hamburger patty, the cheese, the tomato, the cucumber and all things that make the burger tasty. The burger is tasty but the situation is not. I find it hard to explain my rationale to you... I am sick of always having to be the one to put down this so-called pride and belittle myself. I am at this stage where I feel that everything and anything is my fault. I am not joking neither am I being sacarstic...When my students are not selected for DPA, it's my fault for not writing well. When they are unhappy in class, it's must be something that I have done or something that I have failed to do. Anyway, I think you get the idea. It's not fair to you... I have given you the green light and please feel free to ignore me... Whatever it is and no matter what happens, you will always be my greatest buddy. There are only 3 people that can convince me to accept their point of view and you are one of them. Love the 3 of you always and I can only pray that things will never change... However, I know this is not true and I feel it in my bones...."
The people that can make me happy are no longer happy with me and they are leaving me one by one whatever the problem is.. I will never know.....
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
To be brave is to love someone unconditionally and not to expect anything in return. To just give that takes courage as we don't wish to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
I wrote this on my blog 2 years ago when I first started blogging and two years down the road as I re-read it, I find it so true.... Am indeed a brave heart eversince my younger days, I have been exposing myself to these hurt as I always love unconditionally...Guess somehow it has become a emotionally draining experience and the older I get, the more frighten I become... Am no longer the same gal who can give unconditonally (but i still try)... Not that I am asking for anything in return but am definitely more vulnerable than I was before... I have fallen flat on my face and I am open to the hurtful words, acts and deeds these recent months .. The major irony is about to happen.. despite the fear, I believe I still choose to give... To me, it's simple.. i do not need to receive what i have given, all i need is a simple affirmation; a returning smile or even a simple thank you and that would be sufficient to put me on cloud 9.... Please, please, please don't take me for granted......
Imagine being in a bottomless sand pit and all you see is sand being piled onto you day after day... You long to escape this dreadful predicament and you try your utmost best to climb out of it but to not much avil. Not only are your knuckles and knees badly bruised in your attempts to properl youself out , your shouts are muffled and your voice has turned hoarse from all the shoutings..... But no matter what, the sand just keeps coming down, engulfing you with nobody giving two hoots about it....
I wish someone can hear me; my pleas, my screams and my cries.... Maybe I should just stop trying and come what may..............
GLAMOUR SHOP
Quotes For Thoughts
#1 Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.
#2 To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give, that takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
#3 Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.
#4 Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
#5 Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory!
THE GLAMOUR GIRL
Yanting
15th Jan
age is a secret; for me to know, for you to find out
Institutions that contributed to the present me:
#1 Tung Ling Kindergarten
#2 Haig Girls Pri
#3 Tanjong Katong Girls School
#4 NUS
#5 NTU
HER LIKES
- SHOPPING
- Enjoys being with her friends who brighten up her life and heartens her soul
- Loves food but picky about what she eats and who she eats with
- Reading is a definite mus
- Music ranging from Chinese Pop to Classical (PS/ simply adores Jay Chou
-Plays, movies and basically anything artsy intrigues her
- Karaoke!
- The sun, sand & sea
WISHES
- All my lovable darlings to pass their exams with flying colours and may they realise all their dreams and wishes
-For all around me to be happy and live life to the fullest!!! :)
-The reunification of the puffs real soon... miss the times we spend together and the tons of silly things we do... :(