Friday, February 24, 2006
Ok, I have opened up the Pandora's box but I am really glad I have done so! :) Feel really heartened that there are people who really dare to voice out their thoughts and feelings without the fear that they will antagonise me or anyone as a matter of fact! hehe However, I think I will need to explain certain things which the space on the tag board might prove to be inadequate... I am really trying to make things as light-hearted as possible but if I happen to "offend" anyone in the course, i seek your forgiveness.... Honestly, if anyone feels I am bious.. I sincerely apologise for that.. really... I have to admit that sometimes I MIGHT have done it without myself knowing it... If any of you feel that you are comfident enough to do it, then let me know ok?:)I will be more than willing to give ANYONE a chance! Who knows, I will have the next Singapore Idol! haha! :) Guess many of you have been to classes and have your teachers asking for volunteers and noboday wants to do it right? Take for example, when Ms Lee was looking for a pianist, there were quite a number of my darlings who can play the piano and in fact I am very sure that you can play it well!! But when Ms Lee asked for a pianist, nobody wanted to volunteer.....
This year's speech day is running on a very tied schedule as it has been brought forward by nearly 6 weeks. The teachers and I have no choice but to make decisions there and then... My fault for not announcing to the choir when Mr Shah approached me for soloist... But I really had no time to ask everyone or in fact anyone for their opinions.. I seek your understanding on that...Am not a professional conductress but I have been with my choir for a year... so to a certain extent I do know my choir members... You have potential but most of you are just so shy and sweet!!! hehe It takes a lot to sing solo in front of a huge audience and I do not have the luxury to train soloists from scratch (i.e cure them of stage fright) Even the 2 soloist that I have chosen with one having slightly more experience than the other is still fearful of the mic! I can definitely understand the feeling when you feel that your talents are being disregarded and how you can definitely do a better job... I went through the exact same thing during my school days.. Nobody was ever good enough and I kept blaming my friends, teachers, parents,etc,etc Guess you get the picture, i was blaimg everyone but myself!
Everyone wants to be the leader and be the best! But deep within our hearts, we all know the truth.. There is only one leader and others are merely followers... Just look at the school, how many Principal, Vice-Principal, HOD (EL), HOD(Maths),etc,etc do we have? Just one of each! But does it make the other teachers useless? NO!!! Without all of us(teachers) to execute their mind-sweeping policies and plans, there would never be great students like you guys!
Same for the choir, there is only 1 SL per section. But does it mean that only the SL can sing? NO!!! ALL you people are the angel of music!! SLs are chosen not solely for their technical skills but there are several other influencing factors.. Without all the members, the SLs are useless... what is a choir when there are only 4 SLs? I might as well name it a BV quatart! So what is the point I am driving at now?
In my eyes, each and every single one of you has a special place in my heart(despite the fact that I might not have had the chance to show it) But if you approach me and tell me that you need a favour or even a listening ear, be sure I will give it to you(withing my limits of course!) :)
By the way, the juniors will have their chance in time to come.. As for the seniors. let's try to have a "graduating member item" if we have a concert this year! :)
Monday, February 20, 2006
Figured I must have shocked everyone with what I posted last sat... no explaination or what so ever.. Anyway, there is no reason why I posted that... Was just an expression of my boredom...getting a little impatient and bored while waiting for Ah Girl to come and pick me up... so I deecided to surf the net and found that.... Could so relate to it at that moment in time...
As usual.. she was about 75 mins late haha! It's funny but I guess I am one with immense patient... especially while waiting for my friends to turn up haha! As usual... we did some shopping and ended up buying senseless stuff from the Mini Toons at Cineleisure! Laugh at us for all we care! We enjoy buying cute but impractical stuff....some therapy I figured... If you ever see me carrying a Hello Kitty Box into class.. you know where I got it from! Somehow, I think these items do not suit my personality but...who cares.... I guess there is a sweetie pie side of me that not everyone gets to see.. in fact sometimes, i think it's the gentliest and weakest side of me... I think by far only my close friends have seen it... Comes naturally when it is suppose to surface(quite shy i guess) so don't make me act it out in class.. coz it would be such a fake! haha! Sounds as if I suffer from split personality...in fact i think I do.... Honestly I hate "sweetie pie" when it appears once in a while... Feel that I have lost my realm of control and I feel lost when I am not in control...Am a free spirit that cannot be tied down but still I love the notion of being in control?!?! If I were to use and adjective to describe me.. It would be confuse!!
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Andrea was waiting in anticipation to hear Aaron's voice at the other end of the phone but all that greeted her was "You have reached mailbox number....." Not again... nothing extraordinary out from the normality... She really wished she knew what was happening.....Was he avoiding her calls or were there other reasons behind this action.... A thousand and one possibilities started popping out like bubbles in her puny brain just like the fuzzy air bubbles from her favourite can of coke... Her brain cells were mentally exhausted from this guessing game that he so often teased her with.. but she still found no answer to the question she posed... What could possibly be the reason? Aaron and only Aaron had the answer....
Andrea could take it no more. With her lap top switched on, she started jotting down her fustrations and with every word she unleashed, it contributed to another tear drop brimming at the edge of her lids, threatening to turn into a major thunderstorm any minute from now.
"I can't take it no more. A friendship has to be a reciporcative, it can't be a one way traffic. I am getting sick and tired of being at your beck and call... It's not only about I,Me and Myself! The only 3 miserable and pathetic words that exist in your dictionary.. Craig David's song should be your favourite too since you so enjoy walking away from the troubles in your life!
There are days when I need you too....Where were you when I so needed a shoulder to cry on? If you have no wish to talk to me, can't you have the decency to let me know and don't go missing my calls and messages? Are you a piece of log, immune to your surroundings? Can you sense my fustrations? What on earth have I done to deserve all these..My only mistake is... to see you more than a friend.. If falling in love with you is a sin, i might jolly well be the greatest sinner on earth. "
At this juncture, she could write no more. Finally, the cross that she had been carrying with her for the past four years has been put down. She has finally come to terms with her true feeling, the monster she could never look straight into the eye with.. All her tears of anguish were rolling down her rozy cheeks. Hugging onto her Stich that was now soaked with her waves of emotions, she pondered if these tears were those of fustrations or relieve.. She knew the course of action she had to take but she also knew right at the back of her mind, she would never be able to cut the ties.....
(PS inspired by the story i heard at Ah Fei's house over after dinner discussion sun night.. Have not written a piece of decent narrative writing in years...seriously hope it is still readable hehe :p Guess lots of people can relate to it...... )
Saturday, February 18, 2006
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean learning and company doesn't mean security.
And you learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defects with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you even learn that sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really endure...
that you really are strong.
and you really do have worth.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Black or White... Wrong or Right.... Sometimes I feel that I really am in no position to judge anyone or anything... In my course of 27 years.. I believe I have made several wrong turns that resulted in unsound decisions and there were times where I can't even diffrentiate what's right from what's wrong... Take for instance, There is an item that I hold very close to my heart and it is priceless... Am I going to give it away just because my very close friend has asked me for it? Somehow I know that I MIGHT regret it but..... the urge to present it to her is so great as I know that would make her elated and she needs it more than I do... Ok, I don't think this is the best example but I gather people reading on would know what I mean..... Really feel helpless sometimes.. I hate to say this but it sounds sooo true.. my hands are tied.. How very often I had wish I could do more for my students, spend more time with them, not only coaching them in their studies but also giving them a helping hand or a listening ear when they need one... I bet there are many who would frown upon the way I teach... in the midst of my English class.. I would share stories with my class.... Many might view it as a waste of time but I guess my purpose is to let them know that we teachers are normal human too... I have my fair share of confusion and mistakes(till now)... Just the title "A teacher" does not make me any less human... Somehow, I just hope that they do not have to make the mistakes that I have made and trod on the path full of scattered pebbles and stones, twigs and sticks that might just hurt them like how they have hurt me.... I have several scars and fresh wounds from travelling these paths... but i so do not regret it, a saddist i am haha! Maybe all of us do need to make mistakes to learn.... I have a feeling that my most beloved choir is facing some tough times too and I have feeling of immense guilt too... coz i can't put my finger on it.... Somehow, I feel that I do not spend enough time with them... My dream is for everyone who loves to sing to join choir but now it seems to have become a chore for everyone.. I don't know if what I have been doing is wrong or right... It pains me to see my members so tired when they come for choir practice and what's more the songs that they are learning now is so much more challanging compared to what they used to sing in the past... i.e. not mainstream pop but more choral music.... Hey my dears, hang in there ok! Practice makes perfect... take sectionals and everything more seriously and everything will fall into place.. Let me know what I can do to make your lives better.... For those who are reading on, if you feel terrible and want to give up, leave a message on my tag-board(you have the right to remain anonymous hehe)... sometimes, it doesn't help when you keep mum coz nobody can help you! :) I might not have the best solution but at least i will try ok?:) We MUST keep our spirit strong ok! United in voice and of course strength!:) We work together, solve the problem and of course, I don't believe in blame-shifting... I miss singing... i sound sooo terrible now .. my greatest fear is that I will sound like that forever..... :(
Wesley, you might not be reading on but just want to say," I know the pressure you are going through and I will explain to her when necessary! Trust me, you have a powerful voice and you are indeed a great singer! So, don't give up"
Lots have happened today... was sooo worried about the poking incident that I slept late last night and woke up only at 6.40!!!! In my blurest days, i actually left my bag at the flag raising groung with all my phone and all!!!!! It was lying there for an hour or so.. It was not until i went back to the staff room after my lesson with 4N7 that i realised it was missing!! hahaThank God, Mr Su found it.... if not... haha!!! It's funny how he recognised my bag by just looking at my mobile!
The amount of class spirit that my darling 4N7 displayed on total defence day simply left me in awe!!!! Everyone did such a great job working together.. Wei An, James and the rest were trying their best too!!!! JP, Din, Lina, Myran and Jun Ting were wonderful and explaining the IPP process and it's functions... Keep it up man!!It is simply exhilarating to be the FT of your class!:)
Before I end, would just like to say.. Thank you to this special someone... I am indeed touched by your sms and as i promised you.. The sms would be a secret that is shared between you and me..:)
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Cookies, chocolates, candies and flowers filled the air of not only BV but the whole entire Singapore yesterday!!!! It was the time of the year again!!! To be honest, it is one of these days in the calenders that i used to detest as I would turn green with envy, but somehow funny but true, the feeling has mellowed down over the years.. Age must either be catching up or I must be quite used to life as a singleton..(wonder if that is a good sign...) Or perhaps the other reason was because the people that touched the cockles of my heart deeply yesterday! When I stepped into school, received flowers from Daphne and Val and most of my darlings that I saw at the assembly ground greeted me with their pleasant sounding "Happy Valentines' Day!" More small little thoughtful gifts arrived from elisa, shi hui(who so kindly baked for me even before VDay itself!), xinyi, alicia and not forgetting Wendy! :) This sweetie actually bought me a whole bagful of gummies and i can't bear to eat them coz they look so pretty sitting on my messy table haha!! Not only that, I love her simple-looking yet filled with love card :)Daphne amazed me with her generosity when she bought the whole choir candies!!!! Felt so ashmad of myself.. think it's time for me to do something nice for them... Anyway, Din, there is nothing wrong with your pronunciation and though your English is not fantastic, I still deem it as listenable? hehe :) So you are not the one with bad English.. rather i am the one who requires a hearing aid!!!! :p Ghost instead of rose?!?!?! What was i thinking about?!?!?!
No doubt, I did not have any Valentine in particular but receiving all these little tokens and greetings of well-wishers made me feel so love too... :)Maybe without these, I would have felt even worse!!! haha! So thanks a million to everyone who had contributed to my "feel-good" day with their kind words and gestures :) Oh ya, my darling evil bro called me too.. all the way from Manilla.. somehow i have to give him credit.. no matter how dar he maybe, he never fails to give me a call on important days i.e. my birthday, valentines' day, xmas, new year,etc!!
Have much to blog about IPP, will do so tomorrow.. coz the Harry Potter lying on my table is beckoning me.... haha!!!! :) Till tomorrow....:)
Friday, February 10, 2006
The work on my desk is piling up(as usual) just think that i have soo much to share, so much to reflect upon but the sad and tragic thing is that time is not on my side and it's never sufficient.. Am trying to set the right tone for the year 2006 but it proves to be difficult.... My marking is piling up but all i have time for is to try to clear my admin!!!! It's getting dreary.. but on the upside, i do think that i am enjoying myself teaching my classes despite the fact that some people are beginning to push their luck and testing my systems.... Know that two of my dearest from 4N7 wouldnt be reading on and I shan't make use of the web space to humiliate u.... but I guess i have to air my grieviences.... It irks me and hurts me that I have to pick up the phone and make unpleasant calls to your parents..... As what Mr Sng yelled on top of his voice that day.... "The school is not a hotel! It's not a place that u appear and disappear as and when u like to..... " Come on, wake up your ideas, i really have had enough...I love my form class but they still lack class spirit... but i do sense and improvement... Know that i can get naggy but i guess that is part of my job.. I DO NOT ENJOY IT.. but I HAVE NO CHOICE!!!!!!
Had a chat with Andre on MSN the other day.. and I am really really proud of the achievements he has made and how far he has come along since i knew him as a sec 1 boy at BSS.... He was my naughty yet lovable student...Sitting on a two legged chair haha! Was exceptionally touched by him when my supervisor came to observe my lesson when i was a trainee teacher.. This sweet boy of mine tried his best to keep quiet so that he doesn't disrupt my lesson and also participated actively!!!:) Will always remember the times when i taught him tuition too... I guess the satisfaction was in knowing that i was not only helped him accademically but also providing him with an avenue to vent his fustration..learnt alot from him too.. Thanks Andre.... I NEVER judge any of my students but instead... try to see things from their point of view.... though i have to admit that there are times when i am terribly unsuccessful... Andre, keep it up!!!! Don't give yourself soo much stress and pressure.. I know u can do it!!!!! You have already proven yourself!!! :)
Caught Cassanova last night and thought it was a good movie but apparently not everyone thinks so.. When i was walking out of the theatres, accidentally overheard the conversation an extremely young couple was having.... Was quite puzzled by the content as they were saying the show was exceptionally boring? *Sigh* sad to say but I really think only mindless movies would "intrigue" and appeal to them.... My friend made quite a good suggestion!!! We shall go and grab the DVDs for Moulin Rogue and Perhaps Love and just watch at over at his place haha!!! Know what.. sappy romantic movies always make me think about "K" ....
Ok, will blog more tomorrow... that is IF i have the TIME.. hehe :)
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Everyone has been asking me about CNY.. so here is a brief summary of what i did... I don't receive much ang pow because i actually spend all my CNY hols with my whole clan (i.e.my dad's siblings and my cousins)We actually practice the habit of house hopping haha! Several jokes were cracked and I have to admit that despite the fact that Joshua can be really irritaiting at times, he never fails to bring smiles and gaffaws to our lives when we get together. I guess I am really lucky to have a relatively closely knitted family... I really pray that all these that I have would last for ages to come.. :) At times, I wonder how grandad feels when all of us gather at the dinning table and have dinner together.. This feeling was so intensene, especially at the dining table at Aunt Khee's house. Only Neng Yang, Neng Wei and my bro was seated at the smaller table coz the main dinning table wasn't big enough to accomodate all of us haha! Ah Fei went to Poh Gek's house and Ah Boy.... where else can he be.. but at Alice's place right? hehe :) Speaking of which, I think I deserve a pat on the back because I finally made an attempt to talk to her and I figured out that this was my way to show acceptance.... Can't change things so accept it haha! Hmm.. at least i know that non of my cousins would be reading on, so I can express my feelings freely! I kind of felt that she was an "intruder", breaking the bond that the 4 of us have... It's weird but true.... now I finally learnt why sometimes Mothers can't stand daughter-in-laws.. haha!!! Anyway, I think I am out of that vicious cycle.. Just hope that she will really love him and may the live in bliss and happiness when they get married at the end of the year...
*Sigh* my mum is trying to "sell" me off officially eversince Ah Boy announced his plans to get hitched in Nov... She spares no opportunity in annoucing to everyone to introduce men to me... (and of course Ah Fei) Why can't she understand that if things are meant to be, then it will happen.. if they are not, then so be it!!! Honestly, sometimes, I feel like giving up on looking for "The One"... Think I have had my fair share of tears and all... I really wonder how people know that this is the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with.... At the present moment, I cannot imgaine that happening to me... Guess that is why I am still a swinging single haha! Of course. there are times when i wish to find someone too.. but well.. I doubt anyone in their right sense of mind will date me... Not that much a beautiful and gorgeous babe in the eyes of men.. :(
Ok, going to cheryl's house for crabs now! Blog more tomorrow!!! :)
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Happy CNY everyone! Thousand of apologies to those who are avid readers of my blog.. I really have a lot to write and actually quite a bit to share.... Think like most people, I do have my up days and my down days.... Just finsished 4 lessons in a row and am a bit tired... so give me a little time to organise my thoughts.. will try to blog more tonight! no promises though... hahaHave to attend a briefing now.. all the way at MOE.... :(