Wow!!! I realised i have not blogged for ages.... and here i am blogging again, several people have been telling me that i have not blogged for a long time and i should get down to doing it again.. so here i am.. guess everyday is a busy day for my profession but when it comes to May and Oct... things get so hectic and sometimes it really becomes out of control! Am glad it is finally time for a breather... haha! Ok, to those of you who hate reading then bear with it for i fear this entry is going to be longer than usual..:) Hmmm... to think about it the past few weeks have not been pure work and no play for the saying goes "All work and no play makes Jane a dull girl" Unless you people think i am a super duper boring person! haha! but well, have had lots of fun at the same time while on the task of working and marking.. Am now going through my CPU and recall what i have done.. Here goes... 1)Attended a fashion who with Karen, Wai Peng and Sue. Was it the faboulous hot bods of the female models (i would do anything to get a body like theirs haha! Can anyone sense i am turning green with envy :p) or the drop-dead gorgeous designs that they were wearing but trust me i was drooling! After that went back to Mac's to mark... oh ya, just in case you readers have not realised, i sneaked off to watch the show! Thanks to Lao da and Lao er for their motivation if not i would not have finished my marking! :) 2)Met up with my ex-colleageus and had tons of fun catching up and cracking all the jokes just like good old days... They were really my core motivation when i went to work in the past. Never fail to make me feel loved especially my dearest evil bro... Talking about him.. He gave me a call from Salvador! Everybody knows how treacherous waters can be....have not heard from him for since he left.. so imagine my delight when i heard his voice.. :p We have all changed to a certain extent be it in terms of mentality and attitude.. nothing stays the same forever i guess.. but am glad that we can still bond and the spirit is there and we can gel despite the differences we have.. Cheers to our next meeting! :P 3)Had dinner at No sign board with some family friends from Thailand.. On a honest note, i still prefer the main shop at Geylang despite the fact that the ambience at Esplanade was better but on hind sight? What ambience are we talking about when everyone is talking on top of their voices and using their hands when eating haha! Anyway, am glad to meet Bim, Bel and Pong..(Yes, go ahead and laugh but these are really their names :p) They speak very well for Thais.. especially Bim :) Heard that she is getting married and my parents might be attending her wedding in Bangkok.. wonder if i am allowed to go haha! :) 4)Watched movies over the weekend, fell asleep over the fri midnight's show.. guess i was all tooo tired... but i made up for that on sat as i stayed awake for the 2 movies that i watched at one go! Watched Saving face and Flight Plan.. Hmm.. am now thinking what i should be watching on this week.. :p 5)Celebrated Lao San's birthday at east coast.. I think it was a fairly enjoyable affair... i felt it was a rather fruitful bonding session for the four of us (lao da, lao er, er sao and myself) who would be going to bali together! :) Seriously can't wait for that..:) but trips can make and break friendships... so far, so good.. my friends and i have managed to remain close through out these times :) Especially my puffs! In times of happiness and saddness and despite distance, our powers will remain united haha! :) Think i did far more than this but i seriously can't remember what in the world i did! Whatever that i have written above are my happy days..Have to admit that there were days when things did not go according to my wishes.. On a more serious note, would like to think everyone who have been showering me with their care and concern.. To my darling choir, i know all of you care for me and i care for you too... I wish i could tell you everything that is bothering me but i can't.... hard for me to explain but maybe one day you guys will understand! :)I promise you guys that in future, if i am unhappy i will try my best to let you guys know.. Actually am not a depressive person and i have to admit that my blog does look a little depressive at times... Believe it or not, i do have difficulties in expressing myself especially on days when i am upset and i feel that the world has turned its back on me and nobody would understand how i am feeling.. Therefore, i resort to writing.. by doing so, my words of anger and sorrow will not have a direct impact on anyone.. I take my hat off in admiration to those who can always write and express how they feel be it in the forms of short stories or poetry...As the saying goes, "The pen is more powerful than the sword." One of my greatest wish is to master the use of this tool and learn to unleash its true potential and also mine at the same time.. my vocab is really limited and maybe pittance in value....:)
Ok, will make it a point to blog more often haha! :)
"Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, Today is a gift that is why we call it the present"
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Mind is in a whirlpool... feel that i am drowning... can't breathe... peebles, small as they can be but they still irritate the souls of our feet... if not removed the minor sores will become major blisters that you can't ignore all because they hurt too much.... Think I have complained of tiredness on several occasions but i am really feel very drained... can't move on and i just feel like giving up but i know i can't... Read about quater life crisis and i think i am going through one now... i don't know what i want... am losing my Midas Touch.... can't reach out to anyone anymore... Ah ren was telling me about her friend and as she was relating it to me... i started to wonder if i would ever become the person... i don't wish to burden anyone with my crosses in life.. have to admit that i am really glad that they are not major ones... Maybe I should really thank my lucky star and God for that... My dad encourages me to pray everyday but at times maybe my prayer does fall on deaf ears because i am not as pious as i should be? and i can't find out what is the actual reasons... i think i am afraid of facing up to my true self... the insecure one that not many people has seen.... i am human and therefore i feel that i have plenty of inadequacies and my lack of confidence is causing my down fall... think i have to pick myself up somehow... can't help it if eveeryone makes me feel this way....
Think all these is happening because of my powerboat practical course... feel that i really some muscular coordination problem... Be it bowling, volley , you name it, i am just terribly bad at things that require muscular coordination... But somehow something tells me that i can't give up... the scene at Changi Sailing club was one of such. I saw this teenager who at the jetty and he is suffering from muscular dystrophy and he was attempting sailing! For someone who had problems balancing himself while standing on the jetty.. i really think it is a feat!!! Told myself that if someone who is physically disabled can do something even tougher than sailing a powercraft then i can also do it! But somehow things didn't turn out that way... kind of disappointing... part of me tells me to give up but something in me tells me i shouldnt.... *sigh* why?!?!?!
Lots of have happened this week and somehow i find it relatively difficult to maintain my sanity... it really gets into me... trying to balance everything at one go... The school is not making it easy, students are not making it any easier, friends are not making it any easier either.... I really miss the days when things were so much simpler... why do things have to get soo complex when we get older... It all started when CK smsed me and asked if I wanted to attend his wedding... Think he missed the whole important point here.. it is not whether i WANT to attend his wedding, it's rather if he wants to invite me at all in the first place!! To think of it, if he didn't want to, he wouldn't have asked right? Anyway, whatever... i still have not come to a decision... to go or not to go... If I could, I would drop by, offer him my deepest, greatest, most sincere best wishes but i would not stay for the dinner... The reason is simple, coz i do not know anyone... haha!!!! :) Nobody would actually believe me but the fact remains that i am actually a very shy person and i take a rather long time to warm up with strangers.. can't imagine myself sitting and having dinner with so many others unknown people!!!!Think I will be pecking at my food like a bird rather than devouring it with enjoyment...
The next comes some stupid silly news from school and i shall not elaborate or shall i say i can't elaborate... What have i learnt.. nothing is fair in this world... Learn to live with it... Some others have better luck than others... Lao Dao, Lao Er and Lao San, thanks for always listening to my puddle of bitter water (ku sui)It really spoilt my day...
Thanks be to my 2 friends (secret identities i have given you:P) and of course darling Gwen for ferrying me home on Sat... i really enjoyed the BKT and TCC haha!!! You guys never fail to make me laugh..... :)
Whatever that does not break me will eventually make me.....
GLAMOUR SHOP
Quotes For Thoughts
#1 Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.
#2 To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give, that takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
#3 Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.
#4 Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
#5 Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory!
THE GLAMOUR GIRL
Yanting
15th Jan
age is a secret; for me to know, for you to find out
Institutions that contributed to the present me:
#1 Tung Ling Kindergarten
#2 Haig Girls Pri
#3 Tanjong Katong Girls School
#4 NUS
#5 NTU
HER LIKES
- SHOPPING
- Enjoys being with her friends who brighten up her life and heartens her soul
- Loves food but picky about what she eats and who she eats with
- Reading is a definite mus
- Music ranging from Chinese Pop to Classical (PS/ simply adores Jay Chou
-Plays, movies and basically anything artsy intrigues her
- Karaoke!
- The sun, sand & sea
WISHES
- All my lovable darlings to pass their exams with flying colours and may they realise all their dreams and wishes
-For all around me to be happy and live life to the fullest!!! :)
-The reunification of the puffs real soon... miss the times we spend together and the tons of silly things we do... :(