GLAMOUR GIRL

Monday, August 29, 2005

Have lots to write but i simply had no time to do so... Bid Fen goodbye last week...had a last round of coffee with the puffs at the Cheese Cake Cafe.. would be until Dec before our powers re-unite again... Had lots to say to her but somehow i think words seem to get really cumbersome... and I just don't know how to express your thoughts and get ideas across.... I have experienced this feeling gezillion times.. wonder if anyone have felt the same way.. What an irony, i thought words were suppose to aid communication.. but i guess not... Thank God, I still have dear old Mich... without her, i think my life would have lost its equillibrium. I call her Dr Tan, coz when I need real advice and not those laced with sugar and cream, i can always count on her!

Lessons went on relatively fine, nothing much to complain about..... All my darling classes were in the same state... no improvements, no deprovement.. so is that a call for celebration? Humans always crave for more, i really hope that all my darlings and dearies can buck up and live up to their true capacity... I know change needs time.. so i am being very patient here... Show me your true abilities ok!!! :) Just to add on.. i was scolded this morning by one of my "darlings" from 3N9... the smart fellow decided to use a vulgarity on me.. I did not want to get onto a confrontational mode, and so I decided to let it rest.... I felt that the comment was really uncalled for.. the only reason why I changed your seat was because you SIMPLY REFUSE to stop talking!!!! So before you blame or scold anyone for your own misgivings, please examine and re-examine your own behaviour... As usual, my beloved 3T11 was quiet and trying to pay attention.. :) You guys can be better!!! Keep trying okie!

Met Kent along the corridor and told him that I owe my choir members an explanation for disappearing midway through the BBQ last sat... So here it goes.. I have several people who are really curious about my "love life"... I have never dated anyone before and let me clarify at this juncture that I am not a lesbian(before anybody asks me that question again.. I know i look like one haha!!) However, there are guys that i have liked.. and the person who had the ability to make me walk out from the BBQ was one of them(believe it or not, my friends laughs at me coz i still like him till today haha!).. Met him when I was 20 during my freshman's year while helping my aunt out in her company in the year 1999 and he was a 25 years old young executive fresh from NUS.... We had some chemistry back then but that kind of fizzled because of some comments that I made and am not going to elaborate coz i don't wish to be reminded of my mistakes.. 6 years have passed and things have changed...Now he is a pilot with SIA, while i am now now a General Education Officer with the MOE.... What's more, he will be getting married at the end of the year... Well, he is a chapter in my life and finally there is a closure... I am really glad that he still remembers me and made an effort to meet up. I doubt he would ever get a chance to read this but I just want to say," CK, it was really great seeing you again....all the best and may you be blissfully married!:p If you ever decide to go into the shoe business, remember me haha!" Hmm... Ouch..it hurts... of course i feel a tinge of sadness that he is getting married as that means one more eligible bachelor has been taken but i am also happy that he has found someone he wants to be with, to have and to hold for the rest of his life!! Morale of the story, "If you like someone, let him go, if he ever returns, you are destined to be together. If he doesn't, he never was yours to begin with..." Ok, enough written, I think this is another bit of info that you know about me now and don't go spreading it like wild fire haha! Anyway, Mic, thanks for being there... I know we didn't talk much about it that night but your companionship was all that mattered... :)

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Taught my darling 3N9 how to set up their blog yesterday and some of them were so good at it especially Xiao Ting! As usual, just like in any other lessons, i have people who refuse to participate... Thanks a million for imparting your knowledge to me. Think at this juncture, I would also like to thank Ivan and Elisa.. for without them, i would not know where to get blogskin(despite the fact that i have not changed it yet.) and also how to upload songs onto my blog. That is why i firmly believe that as a teacher, not only do my students learn from me, i learn from them too....

Think Mustafah was a great idea after the big dinner at Seoul Garden last night.. it really helped to digest the tons of meat, and yes few strands of fries that i had in my tummy.. Thanks be to the 2 great tour guide that i had... if not for them, i would not know that Mustafah is filled with so much "treasures"

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Had a msn conversation with Zheng Hong last night and he asked me why is my blog so depressing... haha! He feels that i am no longer the Ms Leow that he knew back at jyss...It got me thinking...have i really changed?I guess not... just that i have had bad days recently... that's all! Every dog has its days right :) Things have seem to brighten up abit.. the bulk of you behaving well and i felt that i had managed to teach a little today.... In fact, i felt really touched when my dears from 3n9 told me that they salute me for not giving up on them. Well, from my point of view, I have not given up on any of you irrespective of what class you are from and you are not supposed to give up on yourself! Have to admit that it is not easy but the tiniest step that u make to better yourself would never fail to bring smiles to my face(despite the fact that i seldom show it )3T11 were kind of like a bunch of angels today... they tried their best to pay attention and that is in fact an achievement! of course some were still in lala land... Anyway, keep trying and way to go!!!!

After school, had a short choir meeting today and decided and had a chat with some of my darlings... Yvette, Hui Mian, Valerie, Dilys, Stanley, Wen Hao, Daphne, Desiree(if i got your name right:p) Had a real great time, we were talking about songs and the pieces that we soo love and of course created quite a few jokes among ourselves... Guess what? One of them actually said i was a care bear!!! haha! Maybe my size is like that of a bear but.. hmmm i doubt i am as cute as a care bear...:) Sweet, gentle and kind Valerie actually helped disorganised me to pack up my home room! That was a real sweet act i think... Thank you :)Just want to say, "Val, cheer up okie? If you need a listening ear or you need my broad shoulders to cry on, just let me know! They will always be here for you."

Guess it has been a great day today despite the gloomy weather... :)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Seems that i only blog when i am in a bad mood and big fat tears are rolling down my checks as i am jotting down my thoughts now... Am actually quite a strong person but i dont know why i tear so easily this year.. am so like a cry baby and i hate myself for that... my eyes are filled with salt water and believe it or not, i have been crying for the past 3 hours.. i really wish i could dig a big hole and hide myself in it so that i can avoid everyone and be far from the maddening crowd.... life has its ups and downs and i am someone who can fully understand that... i am at this juncture where i really really really feel like calling it quits... the thoughts seems to be getting stronger but when i read the messages that have been left on my blog.. i am really touched... Thanks a million to all who have left me inspiring messages... Sio, Ngiam, Alfi, Jolene, Wong, Zheng Hon...Thanks a million! It's all these messages that made me decide to hang in there.... Val, thanks for the lovely sms.. i never was pretty to begin with so crying will not actually make me less beautiful :) i seriously don't know how long more i can take it but i will try! The going is really getting tougher and tougher and day after day, i keep telling myself, when things are at its worst, it can only get better... I really need Divine Help... things don't seem to be within my control now or should i say they are.... i never seem to be able to do things right.. so people, u guys are not the only one... i am on the same boat too... I feel like quiting and am really hanging by the thread... am now walking on thin ice and feel that the ground below me is going to give way any moment and will fall into the deep cold waters. I almost typed my resignation letter but i told myself that i will not be a quitter and that is not what i have taught my students...Even if the whole world has given up on me, i will not give up on myself!

My buddy has left for london last sat and would be going on a 10 months sailing trip around the world and i would miss him to pieces.. am starting to feel it already :( Time changes lots of things and i really have no idea how things will change by the time he gets back... for fen, myself mich, we always seem to be able to pick up from wherever we have left things...those silly things we used to do when we were young seem to be so incredibly funny... Days of being young... So i guess youth is the best time in everyone's life and i guess you guys should really live life to the fullest now so that your dairy of youth would be filled with fascinating memories..Before i forget, to another good friend of mine,"Happy Birthday!May God keep you safe in his hands and provide you with his divine help and protection whenever you need them :)"

Something happened in class today and it really tore me to pieces.. I will not elaborate here but i just want to say to this someone "I am not hurt by your naughty acts but hurt by the fact that you don't treasure yourself.. Stop doing this ok. It saddens me...." At this juncture, to all my dears reading my blog, "I am always here to provide you with a listening ear despite the fact that i might have yell at you guys before... Please, talk to me if you have any problems, i might not be able to help but i can listen.."

Siying and gang, thanks for showing me your concern during lab lesson today..... ok, think i should end here will continue another time.. maybe tomorrow?

Monday, August 01, 2005

Super duper long blog coz i did not have the time to blog the whole weekend... and so am cramming everything within one entry... time really flies. Guess the year 2005 proved to be a year of great changes with plenty of experiences that came along with it... There were upsides; experiences that changed the way i view things and downside;cases where i had to pick myself up and let the show continue... Well, this is one big subject area that they failed to teach in school entitled "Life" As what my GP tutor has taught me,"Life's lessons will present itself in different forms till mastered and learned." I guess i am still going through several chapters of this major lesson and am still making the same mistakes...

Was supposed to have a "powerpuff girls" reunion on thurs but the star of the show was suffering from jet lag... guess i would feel the same way if i had to travel on a plane on long distance flights twice within a short span of time. Anyway, still managed to meet up with another one of my friends who never fail me to make me laugh with his jokes and comments despite ths short period of time that we have known one another. More to come i hope? :)

In my younger days, i NEVER believed that platonic friendship could ever exist between a man and a woman.... However, when i started working, my greatest friends and companions were the men. Of course i am not implying that i have no close female friends(if not where did my powerpuffs come from, and not forgetting my pair of nus mates and jy kakis?:p), but somehow it is just different.. men make good listeners and most of all they tend to offer another perspective of things 8 months ago, when i was posted out of JY to BV,i was distraughted... My evileeest bro and my evil friend (you guys know who u are:p) spent the whole entire day with me telling me silly jokes and doing things that i enjoy doing just to make cheer me up and make me laugh... Another one of my colleague whom i have always held in high esteem offered me his ears, telling me to bear in mind that he only had one pair...haha! The thoughts of all these gestures never fails to bring on a smile on my face..:) Will share more when it the situation arises...

Steamboat on fri was fun and it just felt like good old days when the puffs got together.. Non-stop eating and gossiping... haha!But on the low side, all these would only last for another 20 days? :( It's amazing how despite our differences, we always have our common ground... For the benefit of those who are reading it and don't know about it, i enjoy singing but i am quite horrid at it... so i guess the karaoke rooms make my dream come true without being a public nuisance haha!Sang to my heart's content with mic and fen, not forgetting poor cheryl who so dislikes Jay Chou but have to bear with his "mumbling" coz the 3 of us love him to pieces :)

BBQ on sat also brings back plenty of memories....we used to have bbq on every single imaginable occasion; birthdays, every single public holidays or for no reason.. now.. things are just different. After fen left, nobody initiates this anymore as we are all busy with our own life.. and i hate to but have to admit certain things have changed.. Sometimes you really wonder how misunderstandings can destroy friendships... why can't all of us be more forthcoming about how we feel about certain issues.. If there are things that we dislike or find uncomfortable with, why can't we just voice it out.. frankly speaking, i find it quite tough to be honest about how i really feel too.. even to my buddies... Anyway, i want to visit Euroupe! Saw fen's pics and am so mesmorised by it!!!!!!! Sistine chapel, the louvre, the vatican city, eiffel tower .... However heard that venice is not as romantic as it is made out to be though.. haha!

Will write more about sch when the day ends...

Just got home after coffee with the puffs... i really treasure each and every minute that i have with them... laughed till our sides ached when we were having a rather animated discussion about our school songs and school uniforms... realised that most of us have either forgotten how to sing our school songs or half of it would be forgotten or jumbled up...

Anyway, their company was all i needed to jazz up the day after a long and agonising time in school.. My throat hurts to the core... just had to round up my lesson with a shouting match with one of the boys from 4/8 just minutes before the end of the lesson all for something that was none of his concern... Sometimes, i really feel that i am the student and my students are the teachers. They can show me their black faces and shower me with their rebutals whenever they want to, and i have to always defend myself? What has happened to the respect that students used to give to their teachers? So what if i am a woman? Other than being different biologically, I don't think i am any different from the teachers that wear pants! Am not someone who demands to be respected but at least i think i have respected my students in class to the best of my ability... Please, don't expect me to be nice, kind and gentle when u can't even show me the basic sense of manners and responsibility!!!! There is a limit to my patience and not anyone in the world can give continueously without receiving! Sometimes, i really think you guys are selfish and self centred.. have you ever spared a thought to your friends who seriously and genuinely wants to study? What have i to say? Think at this point in time, i can only say.. to those who want to give up, i am speechless.. but to those who still has the fire burning in them.. DON'T GIVE UP!!!! I AM ALWAYS BEHIND YOU!!!!! FIGHT!!!! :)

Felt kind of hurt during PC lesson... Was just answering somebody's question on whether i had any boyfriends and i said no... Then came a voice in answer to my answer... "we all can see why." Well, i never said i was pretty, in fact, i feel like i am rather ugly. It's just that i have transcend beyond the looks and focus on the other aspect known as inner beauty. So what if i have no boyfriend, it does not make me one bit less normal! If i ever find a boyfriend, good. If not, am happy just to hang out with all my buddies..

Am sorry for losing my temper at 3/9 and of course, it was partly because of their indifference and responsibility shrieking that i lost my cool(again).. I know you guys want to see the old Ms Leow, but i have not changed... just that i have become a bit stricter and it is ALL for your good.... Being a teacher is a draining job and i really pray to God for the strength to do the right things and curb my temper... Am not an exceptionally holy person but i do believe in the existance of God.... especially when i can't seem to handle it... Let Go, Let God...

To be honest, my choir members never fail to make me smile... Their enthusiasm readily brightens my day and i can sense their love for the CCA whenever i bump into them along the corridor.. You guys defnitely make my life in BV more bearable... hehe :) Whenever i see your lovely smiles and how you look so excited to see me each and every time, just refills my jars of love that i so need to carry through my days but the sad thing is.... it is fast depleting and i can't seem to fill it up at an equivalent speed.... :( To each and every single lovable members of my BV Choir, thanks for all the beautiful memories that you have given me... i know i might not be the perfect teacher in charge but am trying to learn.. thanks for bearing with me!