Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Bumped into Ivan last friday in school and had a short but insightful chat with him... Tears were forming at the brim of my eye, threatening to roll out of its sockets anytime and i really had a hard time controlling it!!(in fact, i am so worried it might haha!! Think Ivan would have been so embarrassed, wouldn't you?) I was really touched by his response to my questions about him joining the nursing profession.. Way to go Ivan!!! Am really touched and blessed to have selfless students like Mimi and yourself.. It's not being a nurse but it's one of the most gratifying jobs.. Satisfaction that can't be mentioned by any units of measurements. It was at this point that i realised that my satisfaction in teaching is not the number of As that my students can produce but rather the knowing that they have grown to be confident people with a sense of morality and responsibilities.. There are times when i so really want to give up but it's ALL of you that keeps me going.. I really wish i am more equip to teach this lesson LIFE...A marvellous but yet at times ugly notion... I really dread to see the ugly side of the human kind but *sigh* it is reflected everyday as a constant reminder that no matter how beautiful something is, there is still an untold side... It's so sad to see how imperfect we can be.. but with imperfection comes improvements right?:)
Yesterday my darling form class was creating a lantern under the leadership of my Chairperson Saifuddin and Vice Chairperson Jun Ting.. of course they had the help of several others like muneer, amelia, surina, JP(who left half way as he claimed he had a session with Dota?!?!?!).. if i have missed out any names, i hope i am forgiven!! :) anyway, anastasia lent a helping hand too!! Thank you very much!!Seeing you guys having so much fun just brought me back to my sec school days.. Everything was soo care-free..
Saifuddin said something that struck me and i guess it holds so true for everyone who is running the rat race and has forgotten about the simpler things in life and the detrimental effects of competition... The fun is in the process, it does not matter whether we emerge champions in the end! Anyway, Prosper Dog looks quite cute with its rabbit-like ears and deep within my hearts, they are already the champions!!!!! 4n7, no matter what, I will be there for you... and i really hope we can build the 4/7 spirit.. Oh yah,before i forget, i was from the class of 4/7 (Four Seben, that was what we called ourselves) too.. 11 years ago haha :)
Ok, i think i have rattled enough and i am really quite tired already... had a realll long day.... supposed i need the rest.. Have to say choir practice was fun as usual! :) Somehow they never fail to brighten my day after a hard day at work... Before I forget, Ivan, I promise that i will try to blog more often!really.. am making a conscious effort ok! :) *sigh* somehow i really wish I could write more about how i am feeling but i figured somethings are better left unsaid.....
Monday, January 16, 2006
Life is fragile, you never know what is going to happen the very next minute..... A phone call from my ex class mate awakened me to the fragility of life which i believe a lot of us are guilty of being oblivious to.. I guess everyone seems to think that it will not happen to us or even to people close to us.... My college classmate died last fri 13/01... he is not my closest friend but i do have fond memories of the times we spent together in class... We are so busy with our lives everyday and so often do we not have the time to stop and take a look at the things around us.... I guess it is really hard for me to accept the fact that he is so young with a bright future ahead of him and now.... he is gone.. This really made me ponder.. how often do we take the chance to tell the people around us that we really love them and appreciate them for everything that they have done for us.. Am now 27 and I have spent a huge componant of my life asking the "What If" question.. What if i had taken another course , where would i be now, would things be different... What if i had chosen to say certain things... Well, i guess this is exceptionally true when it comes to my career choice and of course affairs of the heart...
Where do i go from here.....
Thursday, January 12, 2006
CCA Combust is finally over!!! I hope the take up rate for choir would be good.... My most sincere thanks and gratitude to my WHOLE choir(no favourtism and i really wish i can write everyone's name down!) especially daph, val, siobhane,wong, dilys,stanley ken and last but not least salwa! Without you guys, I don't think I would be able to handle all these.... Daph, I just want you to know that you tried your very best! Remember what i said, what matters most is that you have given it all that u have got! 2006 will be a better year for choir, people! I can feel it in my bones... All of a sudden, I feel that the lyrics of when you believe is darn good and am so glad that we decided to sing it for the orientation fair.. I don't care how people feel and think but it sounded good to me and it felt great singing with you guys... a feeling of euphoria!(taught this word to 4N9 hehe)Many nights we have prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could, whoa, yes
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now Im standing here
My hearts so full, I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say
There can be miracles
When you believe (When you believe)
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill (Mmm)
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve)
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
[Hey]
[Ooh]
They don't always happen when you ask
And it's easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see the way, get through the rain
A small but still, resilient voice
Says hope is very near, oh [Oh]
There can be miracles (Miracles)
When you believe (Boy, when you believe, yeah) [Though hope is frail]
Though hope is frail [Its hard]
Its hard to kill (Hard to kill, oh, yeah)
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve (You can achieve, oh)
When you believe somehow you will (Somehow, somehow, somehow)
Somehow you will (I know, I know, know)
You will when you believe [When you]
(Ohoh)
[You will when you]
(You will when you believe)
[Oohoohooh]
[Oh...oh]
[When you believe]
[When you believe]
After the draining and raining CCA fair, I had a big, big sea food dinner with the 2 Steven(s), YY, Glenda, Sunny, Lay Hwa and of course how can i forget Daniel! hehe Hey guys, thanks for the early celebration depite the fact that i am sure all you wanted to do was to hit the sack and call it a day! BVSS is Home II not only solely because of my students but helpful and fun loving colleagues like you! :)
Somehow i do think i need a miracle am mentally and physically exhausted..
Crashed and Burnt... i NEED time to think and sort my thoughts out.. there are things bothering me and issues that i rather not talk about.... Sometimes, i wish it is just work, but alas it is not... There are thoughts that i shouldn't have but it is sooo seeding within me... no matter how strong my support group is.... i know that only i can fight this painful, heartwrenching battle.. May i emerge champion.. I will always remember one of the 10 commandments of life.. Life's lessons are repeated until learnt... I guess i have not desiffled the true essence and therefore am still going through the same thing.. haha! So to all my young ladies and gentlemen reading on... everyone gets stuck at bottlenecks.. even adults.. so we are not saints haha! So to err is human, to forgive divine...
Before I forget, i just want to tell my 4N7s, you guys are a wholesome bunch and keep trying in whatever you do coz i know you can do it!!!! :) My 4N9s.. way to go! i know you guys are lost and the motivation level is low... but you must still push on! 4T11 needs more focus and of course control their noise level! :) Buck up guys, u just have to bear with me till Oct! Hmmm...as for 3N9.. i have only had 3 lessons with them so not much to say as yet... will make my comments in time to come!
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
When i was on my way home, i couldn't wait to switch on the computer and write down every single emotion i was experiencing... I guess it is really hard for me to say goodbye.. Just brings me back to the first time she left in 2003 when i was still teaching in JYSS.. nobody knew that i actually cried myself to sleep couple of days before she left but i felt it was a great idea coz by the day she left, my tears had all run dry and i was rather at peace with myself and had accepted the fact that she was leaving. On the night before she left, she was sharing on how we were getting too comfortable and we need changes to upset the equilibrium if not we would refuse to leave our comfort zone and our lives would be stagnant.. Deep within I knew she was right....things would remain status quo and we would never progress... It's funny about how the three of us were worried about one another but never did we once express it.. our only assurance was,"whenever you need a friend or a shoulder to cry on, i will be there!" Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid. Words are cumbersome and serves as a deterrant to communication.. Back in august, things were different, I know that she would be back in December to celebrate Christmas with us but this time round, there is no feeling of anticipation... I have no idea when i will see her again... If she finds a job, she will not return to Singapore in the near future...
Despite the fact that I have always prided myself as being a truly expressive person, I have never told her(should i say them)straight into her/their face that i appreciate her/their friendship and everything that they/she has/have done for me.. Somehow the three of us are never such expressive people... I try at times but flop so badly..
Fen, thanks for being there all the time.. So many times have i fallen and you were there to apply balm, soothe me and wake me up from my unrealistic dreams.. Thanks for entertaining my long distance calls and making me feel better...
Mic, thanks a lot for always being there for me this past 12 years and through you i have met other fantastic and amazing friends.. thanks for dealing with me in the middle of the night at 2 am when i was in dire straits...just to let u know, it really helped...
2005 was filled with more nightmares than sweet dreams.... there were times, when i was so lost and I felt that i was sinking deeper and deeper into things.. problems that i so can't control and only my logical puffs can understand... I guess the puffs will never be the puffs without either one of you..but somehow i figure the spirit would remain and things would not change over time and distance right? :) For the past 1/1/2 years, i have been missing the times that we spent together... our silly holidays that was always filled with laughter, food and shopping.. Somehow all these memories never fail to put a smile on my face when i think about it...
Tears are rolling down my checks as i am ranting on and on, it somehow makes me feel better when i can put what i can't say into writings.. Yes, I am a cry baby at times but this bunch of friends have accepted me for whatever i am and they have made me stronger..
Saturday, January 07, 2006
女人心事东区的咖啡座 幽暗的沙发里 总有几张 熟悉的脸
那种聪明 带点防卫的气质 想放弃 却又不甘心的样子
越过她的肩膀 空洞洞的视线 摩登女子 灰色心事
那种以为 自己什么都可以 喝了酒 却又哭得像个孩子
我听见(爱我的人在哪边)渴望的泪
我看见(伤心的故事一遍遍)我的从前
曾经 我也痛过我也恨过怨过放弃过 在自己的房间里
觉得幸福遗弃我 如果 没有分离背叛的丑陋
怎么算是真爱过
请你 试着相信一爱再爱不要低下头 别怕青春消逝
就不信单纯的美梦 我在这岸看着你游
为你的坚持感动 你会的 有一天 会幸福的
Don't ask me why.. haha Guess it applies to women of my age... thanks be to Fen for sharing this song with me!:)Somehow i think there would be more lyrics in time to come.. I am a English teacher who listens to Chinese songs.. so shoot me :)Somehow i am hurting and my thoughts are in a whirlpool.. Am just looking for a way to get myself out from this rut(believe it or not, i know what is the prob but i can't solve it.. Thank God, it only hits me once in a while...)!! Am allowed to feel upset for i am only human right? hehe :p
I have to say that i think I love my classes this year! :)Guess you guys have the job of brightening my gloomy days sometimes......
(PS Thousands of apologies to my non-chinese students who can't read it... hope i am forgiven...)
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Ok I am back! Happy 2006 to everyone reading on and i am realll sorry about not having the time to blog earlier... Plenty of reasons for that.. First being i had to go back to school for tons of meetings upon returning from my enjoyable bali trip. So miss the times when i am there.. There was definitely something unexpected waiting for us everyday of the trip, making it filled with memories that can never ever be replaced or erased! :)All of us came back looking like pieces of coals and believe it or not... it rained every single day except on the last day when i had the chance to enjoy the use of the luxurious swimming pool in the villa.. Wish i had the time to ride more and i know i did promise everyone that i would be writing more about my trip in time to come.. but somehow i just feel that when i have the time to write, there is a writer's block, and when i have no time to, my thoughts are simply over flowing out from its limited vessel into the open. Be sure, one day i am sure to write about it hehe :pThe other reason for not writing is because Fen is back and the puffs have reunited again... Spending lots of time together as i don't even know whether she will be back in the near future as she will stay put in the US if she finds a job upon graduation... But well, I think i should just enjoy these precious golden moments that i have with the both of them! :)
Ok, i have to go zzzz now if not i would have trouble waking up at 6 tomorrow!! If i have time tomorrow, will blog again! Hey people, pray that i have the time to at least leave a few paragraphs everyday! :) Miss everyone, and I would like to tell Sad Pig, "Hey, I am sorry for not being able to meet up this hols.. :( But don't worry, will do so ok, and i won't make empty promises! ) One more thing, would like to thank my choir members for helping out! Thanks for everything! Especially to Daph and Val, without you gals, the pebble idea would not have come true hehe :)