Have finally made the decision to set up my blog after more than 13 months of deliberation. Guess i am really going to share my darkest and innermost thoughts ... things that i can never say straight into the faces of those that i know who might be reading this. Been teaching for 24 months and my life has been like a roller cooster since. The people(especially the students) who bring smile to my face can be the exact same people who bring sadness and tears to my eyes. Why can't we (teachers) be viewed as normal human beings? I really wonder who created this supersonic image of us. Just like everyone else, we need love, encouragement, acknowledgement and support. There are times, i feel that i am getting none of the above. In fact, i feel like i am the piece of meat in between a hamburger. The expectation of the school, and the actual scenerio in class. I would describe it as heaven and hell... It is so stiffling that sometimes i just want to scream my lungs out. Have lost it at some of you quite a few times, but what pisses me off is your non-chalent attitude. Where is your sense of eagerness to learn, where is the youthfulness and enthusiasm that you should possess? I don't seem to be able to detect any of it in you! Why do i feel that i am teaching myself instead of you. .. Sometimes i really feel like walking out, i don't know why i am still hanging on... I have to thank Aunt Khee for her precious line that i still remember till today... "You must never give up no matter how tough times can be. "Whatever that does not break you will make you" If not for these words, i would have given up on a lot of things a long time ago... Started with my form class 3N9, who went to sleep just 5 mins into their elective geog paper yesterday..... When are you guys going to start taking responsibility for your action? I can't always be there to protect you guys! How many times do i have to have teachers coming up to me and tell me"Your 3/9 ah..." and very often what that follows from that introduction tends to be something negative... When am i going to hear something positive about you? That will make my day... really... The comment that Val made the other day will always be embedded in my mind... "We are not 2e1, we are 3n9, last normal academic class. How can u expect us to behave lke them." I do not believe in comparision and i acknowledge the differences in each and every class that i teach and even the students within. The world would be a boring place to live in if each and everyone of us are similar but to me, there is no such thing as the behaviour of 2e1 and behaviour of 3n9. All i ask is to try your best and put your best foot foreward. What i can't take now is your ability to accept mediocrity and your indifference! Just when i thought i saw a slight improvement in the behaviour of my darling 4T8, some of you have started acting up again... Can understand how you would feel after sitting for a boring since paper when you can't do half the questions and you need to release your fustration by doing something that you really like... *I also know you guys hate being restricted, hate being told what to do, hate me picking on you and the list just goes on and on. Let me something in a word of fairness, i hate what i have to do too! Hate picking on you to, i hate telling you what to do, i hate having to raise my voice at you, just like how you hate me whatever i have done. When can i stop doing all these? In my eyes, you are all lovely people, no matter how terrible your behaviour is, i know that deep down within each and everyone of you, there is a lovable and sensitve bit that i have failed to discover. Everyday, i pray for God's grace that i will be able to do something right and help some of you. Please give me the opportunity to do so. i really beseech you.. *The above paragraph marked * is meant for my 3n9 too The tears that rolled down in class were tears of disappointment and tears of saddness and anger. I really wish i can be unaffected by all these but i CAN'T!!!!!! Magrib, thanks for sharing with me your thoughts and strategies, i really appreciate that... I saw the glint of gentleness and kindness in you.. Thanks for letting me into that world of yours. Live and let live..... this is what i am really trying to do......
GLAMOUR SHOP
Quotes For Thoughts
#1 Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.
#2 To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give, that takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
#3 Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.
#4 Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
#5 Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory!
THE GLAMOUR GIRL
Yanting
15th Jan
age is a secret; for me to know, for you to find out
Institutions that contributed to the present me:
#1 Tung Ling Kindergarten
#2 Haig Girls Pri
#3 Tanjong Katong Girls School
#4 NUS
#5 NTU
HER LIKES
- SHOPPING
- Enjoys being with her friends who brighten up her life and heartens her soul
- Loves food but picky about what she eats and who she eats with
- Reading is a definite mus
- Music ranging from Chinese Pop to Classical (PS/ simply adores Jay Chou
-Plays, movies and basically anything artsy intrigues her
- Karaoke!
- The sun, sand & sea
WISHES
- All my lovable darlings to pass their exams with flying colours and may they realise all their dreams and wishes
-For all around me to be happy and live life to the fullest!!! :)
-The reunification of the puffs real soon... miss the times we spend together and the tons of silly things we do... :(