Mind is in a whirlpool... feel that i am drowning... can't breathe... peebles, small as they can be but they still irritate the souls of our feet... if not removed the minor sores will become major blisters that you can't ignore all because they hurt too much.... Think I have complained of tiredness on several occasions but i am really feel very drained... can't move on and i just feel like giving up but i know i can't... Read about quater life crisis and i think i am going through one now... i don't know what i want... am losing my Midas Touch.... can't reach out to anyone anymore... Ah ren was telling me about her friend and as she was relating it to me... i started to wonder if i would ever become the person... i don't wish to burden anyone with my crosses in life.. have to admit that i am really glad that they are not major ones... Maybe I should really thank my lucky star and God for that... My dad encourages me to pray everyday but at times maybe my prayer does fall on deaf ears because i am not as pious as i should be? and i can't find out what is the actual reasons... i think i am afraid of facing up to my true self... the insecure one that not many people has seen.... i am human and therefore i feel that i have plenty of inadequacies and my lack of confidence is causing my down fall... think i have to pick myself up somehow... can't help it if eveeryone makes me feel this way....
Think all these is happening because of my powerboat practical course... feel that i really some muscular coordination problem... Be it bowling, volley , you name it, i am just terribly bad at things that require muscular coordination... But somehow something tells me that i can't give up... the scene at Changi Sailing club was one of such. I saw this teenager who at the jetty and he is suffering from muscular dystrophy and he was attempting sailing! For someone who had problems balancing himself while standing on the jetty.. i really think it is a feat!!! Told myself that if someone who is physically disabled can do something even tougher than sailing a powercraft then i can also do it! But somehow things didn't turn out that way... kind of disappointing... part of me tells me to give up but something in me tells me i shouldnt.... *sigh* why?!?!?!
Lots of have happened this week and somehow i find it relatively difficult to maintain my sanity... it really gets into me... trying to balance everything at one go... The school is not making it easy, students are not making it any easier, friends are not making it any easier either.... I really miss the days when things were so much simpler... why do things have to get soo complex when we get older... It all started when CK smsed me and asked if I wanted to attend his wedding... Think he missed the whole important point here.. it is not whether i WANT to attend his wedding, it's rather if he wants to invite me at all in the first place!! To think of it, if he didn't want to, he wouldn't have asked right? Anyway, whatever... i still have not come to a decision... to go or not to go... If I could, I would drop by, offer him my deepest, greatest, most sincere best wishes but i would not stay for the dinner... The reason is simple, coz i do not know anyone... haha!!!! :) Nobody would actually believe me but the fact remains that i am actually a very shy person and i take a rather long time to warm up with strangers.. can't imagine myself sitting and having dinner with so many others unknown people!!!!Think I will be pecking at my food like a bird rather than devouring it with enjoyment...
The next comes some stupid silly news from school and i shall not elaborate or shall i say i can't elaborate... What have i learnt.. nothing is fair in this world... Learn to live with it... Some others have better luck than others... Lao Dao, Lao Er and Lao San, thanks for always listening to my puddle of bitter water (ku sui)It really spoilt my day...
Thanks be to my 2 friends (secret identities i have given you:P) and of course darling Gwen for ferrying me home on Sat... i really enjoyed the BKT and TCC haha!!! You guys never fail to make me laugh..... :)
Whatever that does not break me will eventually make me.....
GLAMOUR SHOP
Quotes For Thoughts
#1 Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.
#2 To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give, that takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.
#3 Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.
#4 Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
#5 Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory!
THE GLAMOUR GIRL
Yanting
15th Jan
age is a secret; for me to know, for you to find out
Institutions that contributed to the present me:
#1 Tung Ling Kindergarten
#2 Haig Girls Pri
#3 Tanjong Katong Girls School
#4 NUS
#5 NTU
HER LIKES
- SHOPPING
- Enjoys being with her friends who brighten up her life and heartens her soul
- Loves food but picky about what she eats and who she eats with
- Reading is a definite mus
- Music ranging from Chinese Pop to Classical (PS/ simply adores Jay Chou
-Plays, movies and basically anything artsy intrigues her
- Karaoke!
- The sun, sand & sea
WISHES
- All my lovable darlings to pass their exams with flying colours and may they realise all their dreams and wishes
-For all around me to be happy and live life to the fullest!!! :)
-The reunification of the puffs real soon... miss the times we spend together and the tons of silly things we do... :(