Wednesday, August 26, 2009
How do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth
and breadth
and height
My soul can reach,
when feeling out of sight.
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need,
by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely,
as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely,
as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion
put to use In my old griefs,
and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,
--I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears,
of all my life!
--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Now that the bubble has burst.... Will things ever be the same again?
Sunday, April 26, 2009
I need to end this all........ am getting sick of this emotional roller coaster ride... It is just rushing down, down, down, down , down and it's not making its way up....
Think this is just not working and we will need some time to run this through... I am starting to have expectations and the communication just is not there.... Spend days missing you and thinking about you but do you care? I certainly think you don't.
About your dreams and your plans for the future, I don't hear of it from the horse's mouth but rather the information comes from a person I hardly know for a month?!?! Sometimes, I am really amazed and taken aback by my own threshold and tolerance level for this. In fact, I feel like some silly woman whom I always talk about in the past who can just sit there, wait and tolerate all these nonsense.... and the ironic thing is that I laugh at them for their stupidity and this is happening to me! My patience is wearing thin but I still do like you...
Well, it's not like how some robitussin can make the cough go away, and how zyrtec can make my allergy disappear.... you telling me that ... You don't know what you want....does not seem to help matters. How do you know that I don't know what I want? I live for the moment and for now and all i want is you!
Everyone tells me I am stupid, silly, and I deserve better and why waste my tears over someone who can't love me? The reason is simple, "You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back" I have learnt to love freely but you have not... Well, perhaps you don't like me enough and this I do not wish to speculate.... But I do hope that some day you would learn to give freely without any reservations. Am sure, this person in question would be someone who truly deserves you....
Someday, somehow, i believe I will receive all that I have given back :)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.
Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.
Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.
Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.
For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.
Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.
Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...
Monday, March 23, 2009
Snippets of my life....
Brace me and you for the most disjointed piece of writing I had ever concocted. However, I just have to pen all these down because... I am feeling frustrations and angst again :(
Of Bad Habits:
Old habits die hard and I have tons of them residing in me. Delay and procrastination I think is so much a part of my life.... Well, should I say that if I were to imagine myself being a piece of solid untreated wood, these 2 words would be termites slowly eating me from within.. Sometimes, I really wished there would be this pest buster that would come to my rescue and get rid of them once and for all..
Of My Virtually Non-existence Love Life
My trip to Beijing in 2006 has brought me to the Forbidden City and while I was there, the images of the emperors, concubines, eunuchs, servants and the tons of people living in this supposedly grand palace in China started to conjure in my mind... Why the topic of Beijing and all the talk about all the thing chinese? Because, at this moment in time, I feel like I am one of these concubines living in this palace that I have built for myself waiting for the emperor to call on me? Am constantly waiting and pining for smses from this special someone whose identity I shall not divulge coz I am not supposed to? It's pure pain and agony at its purest.... However, I believe that this feeling is something that I can triumph. It's not my first time at this but whatever it is my experience with the opposite sex just seems to get worse.. It does not seem to be getting better and no way am I closed to getting attached. As one of my close friends puts it, I am not blooming 18 neither am I blushing 25. Certain things should not matter anymore and any internal turmoils and struggles should be cast aside...I know she is right. I like him more than he likes me... and indeed it is not something that I am proud of.. But.. Am glad, for once, I had the courage to admit that straight into his face.... Of course his unsure reply was not for the faint hearted.. "After all that has happened, I do not know whether I am stil capable of liking anyone again...." How many woman can possibly take this lying down, smile and contiue and be contended? I think I can and my friends around me hated that... "You deserve better! Why are you short changing yourself" (or so they say) "Dont ever regret this, years later when you look back and ask yourself, what is the one special thing he has done for you.. None!" "Needing a man is like a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again" Have heard so much and I know at the botom of my heart.. my friends are right... The consequences list is long.... I know I have to play 2nd, 3rd or even the 4th fiddle in his life. I will NEVER be his number 1 (coz _a_ _ _ _g is). But well, is he my first fiddle... I don't know....
Thursday, February 05, 2009
God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.
God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift easy travel,
Needing no guide.
He hath not promised we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.
But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
EYE CANDIES
The over crowded MRT that makes me feel like I am a piece of sardine in the can of ayam brand sardine is part of my daily journey to work everyday. All those that know me will know that I was a cab queen if I don't have the use of Dad's lovely Toyota. Alas, the horrendous rising cost of cab fares with all the additional fuel tax, surcharge, erp and whatever have you had successfully forced me out of my habit.This has become a piece of the past(Unless it is for the purpose of work!)and I am now a commutor on board of the squeeshy train. :(
Honestly, I really hate it and the only thing that perks me up is this charming bald gentlemen who makes his way into the train at Eunos MRT and the sight of him makes my heart skip a beat. Everyday, I look out for him when the train makes its way into Eunos MRT. Just like myself, he squeezes in and gets into the last carriage as well... :) If not for the fact that I wear my shades every morning when I am on board of the train, I bet my last dollar that he would one day catch me red handed stealing glances at him!! Call me a psycho, but I am totally observant person when it comes to someone that catches my attention. Firstly, the ring that he wears on his index finger on his left hand is truly reflective of his taste. I love rings that are irregularly shaped and unique, and there this man has it. Secondly, he is not one of these haversack men that I find at Raffles Place. Sometimes, these bags really make them look like Ninja turtles, not flattering at all. Ok, that's besides the point. He does not carry any briefcase or whatsoever, in fact he is empty handed every time when I see him. Thirdly, I love the aura that he exudes. Condident and yet not arrogant. Simple yet glamourous. Did I mention that he is of the correct height. At least 5 cm taller than I am hahaha!!! The 1.71m that I am blessed with his made me a little obsess with the height issue :)
This morning he was literally standing in front of me when I was leaning against the door leading to the driver's cabin on board of the MRT Train. My heart was thumping like crazy and was enjoying my train ride totally!Alas, my heart sank when I saw the wall paper on his Nokia phone..... Sigh... he is attached. The picture of his girlfriend or wife was literally staring at me. Come to think of it, this should be expected. All eligible men are either gay, married or dead haha!!! I know that I will never have such luck with men.......
Anyway, who cares, he shall still function as my eye candy from Eunos all the way to Raffles Place where he gets off! :)